Month of silence

Sorry for the silence this past month, I could make excuses but I think I know what the real problem is. I have become tired of my own thoughts.

When I started this blog, every idea would make it to the drawing board because I wanted to flesh it out a bit, and see what came out of even some tiny observation. However, as the months passed by, I felt that I had to improve on my writing or something, so only select things would be mused on. But what happened was, as the list of things to talk about got smaller and smaller, writing about them became harder and harder, until I wouldn't even want to look at the computer screen anymore. And then comes the month of silence... It really was all my own fault.

Thankfully, I have been rebuked of my stupidity, and can tell you that if you read this blog because of the attention it gives to the small things in life, then you can enjoy it as I go back to doing so.

A short thought to end the post, I think it is a blessing to lose things. (There are many exceptions of course, but bear with me). Recently I was giving my room a well needed clean up which ended with my head being placed 1 inch from the ground as I cleared under my bed. What I found brightened my day! A name tag from a recent conference, which brought back all the memories; a guitar pick, which gave me an excuse to pick up my guitar and play it; and a wrist band, which reminded me of the things I was thinking when I bought it. If I had not lost these things, they would not have been appreciated so much, much like my thoughts. If I had not lost them in the process of trying to clear out my mind (I'm not saying that I am losing my mind though!) I would not appreciate them as much as if they were still there all the time.

So thank you for enduring this month of silence, as I learnt some new things. Hopefully you have to.

Songs of "love"

I have begun to write many songs in my spare time. Many are bad, some are ok, and only one or two make it into my memory for future playing. I noticed though, that the lyrics aways lean to what the world puts in its lyrics. Love, money, "happiness" which is just selfishness in disguise. Trying to break free from that mould was harder than I thought, which showed me how much what I listen to does affect what I think about.

Many songs I hear on the radio I pass off as wrong, and that as a Christian I have something more to live than what they sing about. However, a part of me longs for what they have, although I know it won't last, my mind gets distracted so easily. What is more dangerous is the fact that it so often gets veiled with my "Christian" face. I tell myself that it is wrong, it is just a breath, meaningless. But it is only a guise. In fact, I know that it makes me "want" which quickly makes me "need" which leads me further and further away from the life I was meant to live.

One topic that is so often sung about is relationships. Love dominates as inspiration for songs. A quick read through of the songs on the radio shows however, that the love they talk about isn't based on God's love. It is self-centered, uncaring, abandoned too easily, and unforgiving. Most of all, it is replacing the love that every human needs. God's. It becomes a "need" to have a girlfriend/boyfriend because they have no one else to love them. Thinking over it now, the love on the radio is something nobody wants. It tears people apart instead of building them up, it takes instead of gives, it is a source of pain instead of a source of joy.

As I sat in front of my piano the first words that popped in my head were:

"Us together feels so right".

Can that "us" be me and God? Can we restore love to its pure form, from God? I really hope so, because without it, we are getting a shell of what we really should be getting. Who wants that? It's like a song without any melody. Add some real joy to the world. Love as God did.

Do I look like a weirdo looking up at the sky?

Another scene from the bus stop. I am again waiting for the bus, and since no one is waiting with me, I decide to look into the sky and marvel at God's creation. Anyway, if you think about it, that's what trees do don't they? Look upward to the sky, reaching for it with their leafy banches?

But, why? Why do I look into the cloudless mass of space above? Why does it leave me in awe? Why does it make me feel small? Why, why, why???

Before you know it, the wonderful serenity of the scene is crowded out by these logic missiles, stealing the scene from my heart, and placing it in my brain, dissecting it until there is just a pale shell of what I first experienced. Facts about the sky flood my brain, until all I see is what the textbook tells me what I should see, not what I actually see with my heart.

Society always wants answers. "There must be a reason to everything" I agree with this statement. There is a reason for everything. But sometimes, we don't have to know it. We lose so much when we try and "figure out" the meaning of things. I am so glad we still haven't got a definite "meaning of life", because like in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy it might turn out to be 42, squeezing all the life of a person in such a small number. All their experiences, their relationships, their knowledge, into an understandable little ball. Missing out on so much.

Look up into the sky, what do you see? A mass of air that is blue because blue is the colour most reflected by the water particles? Or an indescribable testimony to God's creativity, glory, and power? Leave the reasons to God, just look at something, and see how you can see God through it. Suddenly, life becomes much more interesting again.

The meaning of deep

Sometimes, I just feel like, "What is the point of thinking deep?". Usually, after a profound thought crosses my head, I might ponder on it for a moment, and then it will fly away, never to be found again. Deep thoughts never really go to my heart, they just stay in my head for awhile, and then go somewhere else. I sometimes think that if I will forget whatever supposedly "profound' and "insightful" thought, why bother to think about it, and why bother to make some deep conclusion from it?

When I feel this way, I usually remember why I started thinking deep in the first place. I say that I have 3 reasons for looking into life to get more out of it.

1. The meaning of deep

The meaning of deep in my mind is something that far below the surface. Although, this is usually meant with things such as the sea, I think it also shows what a deep thought is. A deep thought is also something that is below the surface. it has to be dug up to be found. It might not be quite obvious to start with, but as you dig more, you find the treasure under the vast expanse of the ocean. This always makes me feel like it is worth it to keep digging deeper, and finding the treasure in life.

2. The feeling of deep

What also makes me keep going is the feeling of knowing what is behind it all, being able to understand the feelings and background to a situation. This also keeps me wanting to think deep, and to try and understand.

3. The God in deep

Ultimately, it comes down to what I think is the most important. God made humans to be able to think deep. It says in the bible that he made humans be able to understand eternity (which is a pretty deep thought). Plus, as the 1st reason shows, deep is the thing that is in our hearts, deep under our outer appearance. I always put God deep in my heart, where he changes me. Like the sea. Even things deep in the water, can still affect the surface.

In the end, I am always amazed at the things I find by thinking deep. It shows that God is everywhere, and that he is behind everything. By putting him in my life, I know that he will take care of me.

Thanks for reading my blog! Please comment if you were struck by something, or if you just want to talk. I hope that you liked it!

treebytheriver

Joy. How it has changed!

I just finished reading Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo, and it was very good. Although sometimes boring, he has many quotations that are very, very deep, and he puts his ideas to words very well. One quote that struck me was this.

"Children instantly accept joy and happiness with quick familiarity, being happy and joyful by nature."

What do you think of it? Does it make you happy, or sad?

What I thought was first that he explains children very well. They always seem to accept everything as good, and even if something bad happens, once they have had a cry, they soon get over it, and still keep a good outlook on life. A child then brings that joy, and shares it with others. It is hard to be mad at something when you have a beaming child next to you.

However, there is a sad aspect to this quote too. It implies that all children grow out of this joyful nature. Slowly, the world erodes away the joy in a child's heart. It is a sad but true reality, that shows the brokenness of this world. People still say they are a child at heart, but a hard, cold wall of cynicism, and reality, bar that child from freely expressing itself. Is is also a sad fact, that even if that child manages to express itself, people around that person think he is crazy, further pushing his inner child into darkness.

Another point about joy, is that it is something that humans really need. Imagine a world with no joy, it is like a world without any sunlight! It is sad when people turn to man made things for joy. They will never satisfy a mans inner most yearnings. It is amazing though, to see someone who has found the proper source of joy; in Gods love. Once a person understands that, they know their life is filled with joy. They do not have to search for it anything more.

I hope you liked that quote, and again, I really recommend you reading that book, it is one of the most deep and emotional books I have ever read.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Please comment about your thoughts and any suggestions you would like to make.

treebytheriver