Anyway, today I thought I could share what I've been up to in the past few weeks.
Three weeks ago, I went on a massive camp with about 130 high schoolers from all over the state. It was my first time going to a non-Christian camp where no one knew I was a Christian. My sister challenged me to make Christ shine in my life so that by the end of the 4 days it would be obvious that I have Jesus in my life.
Sad to say, it didn't go that well to plan. I got so engrossed in the electives, the talks, the fun activities - which were all really good, but God was a no no - that I sort of kept Jesus hidden. Well, for me, it felt like I wasn't smothering him. When people asked why I had lived in Japan for 12 years, I did tell that my parents had been missionaries, but that was only when they asked. If God is meant to be a fire inside me, I was like a refrigerator, keeping the fire cool until someone opened the door.
The next week, I went on a ski trip. I went with a friend who had just recently became a Christian. With some long bus trips and being in the same cabin, I thought I would be courageous enough to talk more about what being a Christian is going to be like and encourage him. However, again, I got so caught up in the skiing that I left the more important things till last where tiredness defeated my will to talk.
Now, a week back into the normal scheme of things, I am still reminiscing the lost chances that I have squandered for my own pleasure instead. I could have started a bible study at the camp and invited people along. I could have read the bible together with my Christian friend. But I didn't.
I don't really have a real positive about this experience yet. It is another one of those situations where I keep getting back up and continuing to strive to be more like Jesus. And next time, hopefully I will just give it a go!